Freak Comics

After bashing the Uncanny X-men I figured I would check out the Astonishing X-Men. So I bought the first volume, “Gifted” and had a go at it. Not the best X-Men title to ever be produced, but not the worst either.

The art in this series is OK. This is a personal preference, so you might like it. Cassaday is no Jim Lee, but he has his own style and I like that. I just wish that everyone didn’t look as though they had gained a few pounds in the face.

The story is decent as well. Joss Whedon (who wrote for Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series) did a good job at keeping my interest. My biggest complaint is the same that I’ve had with a lot of other writers (mainly for Marvel): not enough dialog or narration. Too much of the story is told by visuals alone, as though it is a television show. I think this is a reflection of today’s non-reading society.

Overall Astonishing X-Men is a nice attempt at revitalizing the X-Men series. I plan on giving the rest of the series a try, and if you have a few extra bucks to spare, you may want to pick up a copy as well.

When I read a comic book I am constantly worried that the next page I turn will be the last. Not so with Uncanny X-Men #466, written by Chris Claremont. I actually found myself looking ahead repeatedly to see just how many torturous pages I had left to endure. I purchased it based on the description:

It all comes down to this! The Weapon X saga reaches its violent end. Who will be left standing, and at what cost?!

I bought it based on the cover art as well. It looked interesting… I thought I was looking at Jean Grey turning in to the Phoenix again or something. Wrong. Jean Grey is dead, this is her daughter. And that stuff about “violent end”? I would like someone to read this book and tell me where the action was. This was the absolute worst comic book I have ever read. I am a long time X-Men fan, and a long time Chris Claremont fan. He started writing for X-Men back when they were losing speed and looked to be at the end of their road. Chris joined forces with artist Dave Cockrum to release Giant Size X-Men #1 in 1975. This gave the series the boost it needed with a new group of heroes working as the X-Men under the mentorship of Professor X. It was fresh, fun and exciting. I enjoy reading those comics very much.

A few pages in to Uncanny X-Men #466 I knew what I was in for: garbage. I turned back to the cover very quickly to see who the writer was and found it was claremont. I was unaware that he is still writing for the X-Men… he shouldn’t be. The dialog is terrible, like you’re reading some kind of poorly translated Japanese anime. The story in this issue was unbelievably boring, basically a filler issue while some action builds up for later issues… which means zero action in this issue.

The art is an abomination as well. Chris Bachalo was obviously also inspired by Japanese anime. Take this page for example. Apparently Grandpa is getting ready to whip out some ninjitsu to win this little basketball war (last panel). Or how about these two panels? Is the art so bad that they had to put the character’s emotions in word balloons? Yes! And was Joe Caramagna (lettering) so lazy that he couldn’t draw the emoticons, but rather created them with Adobe Illustrator? Yes!

Another thing that struck me as odd: this comic had seven inkers… isn’t that a little on the excessive side?

What though of Chris Claremont’s future? No sooner had I read this comic than I received the following update from Marvel about Mr. Claremont himself:

By voting on Marvel.com, fans will have a chance to determine what 6-issue X-Men mini-series Claremont will tackle after X-Men: The End.

“X-Men fans are some of the most vocal out there,” says Paniccia. “We’re taking advantage of that voice and putting them in the driver’s seat. By next week, we’ll have a new X-Men book in the works from one of the industry’s most influential authors.”

All four of the possible title choices take place outside of current continuity, including stories from previously visited alternate universes as well as an entirely new X-Men universe.

And the four choices are:

• Days of Future Past – This series would pick up the moment after Kitty Pryde sent Rachel Grey into the past from the original story. The world is under the rule of Sentinels, most mutants are either killed or in camps, and only a strange alliance of outlaws stand a chance at changing this dark future.
• Asgardian War Stories – During the Asgardian War, the X-Men, Alpha Flight, and the New Mutants all fought alongside the Norse Gods. But what would have happened if they never returned to Earth and stayed in Asgard?
• NEXT – Witness today’s generation of X-Men if the Marvel Universe aged in real-time. Both the first and second teams of X-Men are approaching 50 and the New Mutants are now in their thirties. This series will follow this new generation of X-Men and the new reality they find themselves in.
• What If? X-Men - Continuing from 2004’s What If Magneto and Professor X Had Formed the X-Men Together?, this series would be a re-imagining of the X-Men in contemporary times from an entirely all-new perspective. Because of Magneto helping found the X-Men, not only has the history of the X-Men changed, but that of the entire world. Every character’s life and future is up for grabs here.

It’s up to you to decide what legendary X-Men tale Chris Claremont will pen next. Visit www.Marvel.com and let your voice be heard for which of these X-stories you would like to see.

So there you have it. Marvel can’t make up their minds where to shift the faltering Claremont to so they’re asking the fans to decide. How about giving us a fifth choice:

Sacked - The story of an old, former heavy-hitter from the Marvel universe that has sacrificed his imagination and charm for money. He couldn’t sell an issue and now he’s out of a job and trying to hock his collection of old X-Men comics at pawn shops just to get his next Mc-Meal!

Comic books are pretty darn nerdy. Well comic books themselves aren’t, but the collectors definitely are (myself included). But there is something nerdier than a comic book collector, and that’s a Role Playing Game (rpg) player!

Until a few days ago I was probablly the biggest nerd on the 9rules Network. Now I’m happy to say that my title has been taken over by Martin Ralya of Treasure Tables. His blog is all about Role Playing Games. He’s been a game master since 1989… that’s a long time.

I’ve never played pen and paper role playing games, nor have I played online RPGs. I did participate in a Play by Email RPG long ago and it was a blast. However, the idea of sitting around with a group of guys in a comic book shop or my mother’s basement pretending to be elves never has really appealed to me too much, but it’s really nice to have someone else that is part of the comic-book-type-niche in the 9rules Network. I suspect You’ll be seeing collaborations of some sort in the future.

As usual, Bill has made an unfounded claim (remember the “you don’t need to breath when you’re unconscious” comments?). This time he’s claiming that Ice Man is the most popular X-Men character. He thinks this is due to the fact that Ice Man was not only and X-Man, but also because he was in X-Factor and several other groups. I think Bill has lost his marbles.

I completely disagree with Bill. Do you? Who is your favorite X-Men character? Either post a comment here or email me at joe@freakcomics.com so we can set this matter strait.

Listen to No Beer (part 2) now!

Update: I fixed the above link so you can actually download the podcast now. Sorry about that!

I’m joined for yet another instalment of the Freak Comics podcast. This time Bill and I talk about the Incredible Hulk television show, an upcoming Superman festival (including Bill’s experiences with a past festival for ol’ supes) and of course lots of complaining about Marvel comics from myself. This time I pick on Annuals.

As a side note, Bill and I will be presenting you with a new letter segment, so be sure to email me your questions, comments or complaints to joe@freakcomics.com and we might read and discuss them on our upcoming podcasts, and if you include your email we’ll be sure to announce it as well.

What are you waiting for? Listen to the Freak Comics podcast now!

Robert Kirkman. The name is synonymous with zombies thanks to his wildly successful series, The Walking Dead. Kirkman has a wonderful way of telling a story. Walking Dead isn’t merely a zombie horror story, it’s also a story about friends drawing together and surviving under extreme pressure. A story about the mundane experiences we go through each day contrasted against an entire world that has been mysteriously turned in to zombies.

Kirkman is very successful and Walking Dead is currently my favorite comic book. And that is why I am both excited and frightened by the upcoming title to be released by Marvel Comics and written by Robert Kirkman entitled Marvel Zombies. This is to be a 5 part series featuring the entire Marvel super hero universe transformed in to the flesh munching living-dead.

The images for this series look nice, however I’m concerned that the concept may be a little over the top. Super Heroes are a bit on the overly dramatic unrealistic side as it is, but turn them in to zombies and you’re playing with fire. The possible cheesiness could be enough to ruin the series. Consider what the official press Marvel release has to say:

When the super-powered zombies run out of humans to eat , their search for sustenance will become desperate. And when the Silver Surfer of that universe arrives on Earth, will even the Power Cosmic be enough to stave off a horde of insane, undead super-heroes?

On the other hand Kirkman is one of the greatest comic book writers of our time. Walking Dead is astounding, and Invincible is excellent as well. I see this as being a real challenge for him. He will be attempting to live up to a great reputation and fan expectations from two different worlds, that of the grim hopeless world of Walking Dead and the bright super-charged Marvel universe. I’m very interested in seeing if he will pull it off or go down in embarrassing flames of ridicule. We’ll find out in a few weeks because Marvel Zombies #1 is set to be released on December 7th, 2005.

I’m writing this from my basement. There are friends of ours on the way to join my family and me in the basement. Tornados sirens have just sounded. In 2 minutes the worst is supposed to hit. There is an 80% chance of multiple tornados today. If I survive, you’ll get lots of content, all afore mentioned. Well I’m off to go die now.

I’ve had an email sitting in my inbox for a couple of days now alerting me to a new fan movie that was added to the batmanfanfilms.com. I was unable to check in to this movie as I’ve been extremely busy. However I arose at 5:30am today in order to get some extra work done, and started out by watching Batman: Defenders of the Night.

I’m fairly certain that this movie started out with good intentions: making a cool Batman film to pass the time (sure beats the monotony of watching the repo man take your possessions each day), and then turned in to a poor attempt at humor, and then spiraled in to a nightmarish crap fest.

There was so much wrong with this film that I’m not sure where to begin… so I’ll begin with the name, Batman: Defenders of the Night. Batman is a singular entity. If he were a symbiotic being the title would be appropriate, however he isn’t, so it’s not. The title is obviously referring to Batman and his man-child-love-slave, Robin, therefore it should be entitled “Batman and Robin: Defenders of the Night”, or perhaps “Kourosh Rahimpour and Arvin Tounian: Two Dorks Who Think They Will Pick Up Babes After This Movie but Actually Just Impress Their Mothers”. Title too long? OK try this one: “Kourosh and Arvin: Virgins for Life”.

Dear Michael (aka Riddler/Roof Thug #1), I wish I could go back in time and erase the hellish cackling cry of your “voice” from my memory. You sound like a crow.

Note to everyone involved in this movie: you should never make a “film” again. The next time you are working on your Camaros and you feel that tingling urge to throw on some pajamas and call yourselves “super heroe’s” for the afternoon, resist. Just pop open another cool can of Bush beer and watch some reality television.

Oh, by the way, you really should not promote your poorly designed finance website with a poorly made Batman Fan Film, or any other fan film for that matter. It tends to make people question your credibility. (Update: as of this update FinanceKings.com no longer hosts this video).

Watch this stink fest yourself and post your own oppinions.

Note:this article has been edited. Under the request of the “actor” who portrayed the Riddler, Michael, I have removed his last name.

The conclusion to Monday’s episode. Find out why the Spiderman comic had dog urine on it and more about the origin of the Juggernaut. Plus Bill gets on my nerves by talking about Star Wars some more.

Download Rednecks and Beta Ray Bill (part 2)

I’m back with third installment of the Freak Comics podcast, along with the intrepid Bill. Travis, AKA The Silent Wino joins us once again and gets a prank pulled on him. Don’t miss it!

Download Rednecks and Beta Ray Bill (part 1)