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Khaled beat me to it (curse you!), but I’m going to throw my two cents in regardless.
I saw X-Men: The Last Stand (AKA: X-Men: A Desperate Grab at Quick Cash) the day after it was released. I was out of town at the time and unable to use my website (accursed 56k!). As soon as I returned home I attempted to write a scathing review.
According to the old man that Married Kip and Lafawnduh at the end of Napoleon Dynamite, you should take a long walk after getting in a fight with your wife… it’s supposed to cool you down. I applied this same logic to X-Men, thinking it really couldn’t have been all that bad.
Yet, only moments ago I got off the phone from an old friend of mine. The both of us grew up together watching X-Men the Animated Series and reading X-Men comics (good ol’ days of Jim Lee). He held my same general sentiments: one or two things were cool, but the over-all movie was pure crap. The wait didn’t work. I’m still mad at the movie and everyone involved with it’s “production”.
Brett Ratner (the director) should consider an early retirement. Throw Jackie Chan and Chris tucker in to the action and you would have had Rush Hour 3… it was that horrible.
Spoiler time
Professor X dead? Jean Grey evil and dead? Scott Summers barely in the movie and dead? What happened? Did the writers see a few episodes of Lost, 24 and Alias and decide to follow the same killing spree script pattern?
No! James Marsden didn’t want to be in this film or the upcoming films (or so I’m guessing), so he had himself killed off. Not a bad move really: screen death as opposed to career suicide.
And let’s face it, Patrick Stewart is getting old. When X-Men 4 hits the screen a 2 or 3 years from now, he’ll be 126 years old and bald. They needed to give him the axe and just use his voice inside of another body (Jame Earl Jones style) before it’s too late.
And Jean? Who knows and who cares?
Story
IT’S BEEN DONE A MILLION TIMES BEFORE!
If you’re going to do a redundant story, let’s at least make it a redundant comic book story, not the same crap we’ve already seen TWICE. How about Apocalypse? How about some real Sentinels, not just danger room replicas of the machines we haven’t even seen yet?! Enough subtle references to good story lines, let’s get to the fun stuff!
And please correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t all of the trailers imply there was going to be a huge mutant war of some sort? See a bunch of lame thug-ish characters get mowed down in droves and then a very contrived cliche battle between the big-boy mutants was far from a war. It was a skirmish of not-so-epic proportions.
By the way, wasn’t Angle supposed to be in this movie? I didn’t see him. I just saw some guy who looked like he had a mental disability and a pair of too-expensive-to-show-for-more-than-ten-minutes wings on his back. LAME. But that’s OK, because it turns out that watching a guy fly around like a giant pigeon is a lot cooler in comics and cartoons than it is in realistic looking movies. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he flew in to a jet engine, or perhaps had the urge to defecate on a passing car.
In short the movie wasn’t a let down in the least because I didn’t go in to it with any good expectations. I knew it would be a waste of my time and money. I agree with nearly everything Khaled (mentioned at the beginning of this rant) said except for anything remotely positive.
I know some of you out there are thinking I’m being too harsh (Bill, I’m looking your way), but I say to you: wake up to reality people! Watch some good movies! Batman Begins was an excellent comic book movie. Superman looks like it will be good. The first Spiderman was good (although it strayed from the books significantly in some areas). However X-Men 3 was pure Hollywood machinery at it’s worst.
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hehe, I liked that ” I agree with everything expect the good parts”.
I guess in general I’m less harsh on a movie even when I know it’s a complete piece of shit, because of the time someone put into it :).
Tell you what, I think for the Superman review we’ve got to make sure we review it jointly and then post the email conversation in two parts across both sites :).
I guess that’s why I am so harsh on a movie like this: it felt like no time was spent on this sack of crap.
I’m on board with the Superman thing. Maybe we should make a Skype podcast out of it. Hit me up on the boards or via email and we’ll get our plan together :)
Batman Begins, Spiderman 1 & 2, X1 & 2 were great movies. X3 sucked ass so bad.
X3 met my expectations. Of course I had none. I knew the second that the director (Brian Singer) bailed on it that I should have too. But considering that the current x-men comic stinks, I guess a movie based on it would stink to. nuff said
i agree x-3 was a waste Jean was a psyco slut killer Logan was an asshole iceman was a horny bastard, Rogue served no perpose at all i hope if there is an x-4 Bryan Singer and David Hayter return to fix Ratner Penn and Kinbergs fuck up, what happend to the growing relationship with Logan/Rogue that Bryan hinted in 1 and 2 it just got dropped damn x-3 sucks.
x-3 is full of shit Bobby and Rogues scenes felt empty again why can,t Fox understand the Bobby Rogue thing never worked on screen, Anna Paquin and Hugh Jackman have worked so well on screen in all 3 films alot of my friends were pissed at x-3 for killing a good franchise Bryan Singer put so many hints in 1 and 2 that he was working up to something special with Logan/Rogue and Scott/Jean but when he left that is when evreything went to hell, i hope x-4 gets Bryan Singer back x-3 was a dissaster in so many ways.
x-3…This was an interesting concept when I first saw it on the shelves, and after watrching it I thought that they killed too many people off too quickly, and the small charachters you did get to see were glorified cannon fodder. However after reading your article on the film I thought it a little harsh, I at first had the same views but was sobered up by the article. I also then stumbled on the scene after the credits, where Proff. X is still alive. Now that I think was probably the best scene in the entire film…if not a tiny bit confusing at how it happened. So i guess your thoughts on Mr Stewart being too old for the next film falls on deaf ears in the big scheme. All in all though, film was pretty poor, acting not that much better but the little twists at the end make you start to think.
Actually I really like Patrick Stewart. I agree I was harsh on him, it was just a joke, but possibly in poor taste. As far the film goes, I don’t think I was harsh enough. X-Men (comics included) have taken a fast train to crapsville lately, which is very disappointing since I’m a long time X-Men fan.
Professor X is already immobilized and ridden to a wheel chair…does his physical self matter all that much? I mean come on, I was under the impression his infinite wisdom was his true power.
The movie felt really empty, like it was garnered toward a fresh minded naive audience with no previous rapport with the franchise.
But twenty dollar words aside. The moment I knew this movie was shit was when Wolverine went searching for Jean and wound up in the forrest and was attacked by three lackeys (following the dude who shot metalic quils from his veins that was pretty decent) wielding baseball bats and a shotgun…I mean come on baseball bats and a shot gun??? This is a fucking movie about mutants…if that doesn’t symbolize the lack of creativity I don’t know what else does?
Two other pet peeves with the projects from a personal stand point, the first being the non-existent gambit. The second, WHY THE FUCK WAS COLOSSUS NORTH AMERICAN? Why the hell did they decide to just totally bail on his russian descent? Fuck me man…
DUDE i so agree!! thank you! all my friends are sucked into that Hollywood “slap an epic piece of crap together with really cool action and pretty colors bs”
also, WOW!! wasn’t that cool When Colossus Fought Juggernaut. No!! BECAUSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!!! and was that not the coolest thing ever when ice man went into his ice form for 3 SECONDS, NO, ITS WAS GAY!!!