1985 Ewoks #2 Retro-Review

Twenty one years and five months ago, Star Comics (a former imprint of Marvel Comics) released Ewoks issue #2.

If you don’t know what an Ewok is, you most likely have never seen Star Wars Return of the Jedi, or any of the various Ewok movies. So for the rare few of you who don’t know, an Ewok is an annoying little bear-like critter that lives on a moon called Endor. Do to their sickening cuteness, they appeal to little children (as they were meant to).
Ewoks have stupid names like Wicket, Teebo and Kneesaa. They had their own cartoon, their own movies and their own comic, all marketed to children.
They also suck.

A long time ago when I was very young, a friend of mine gave me a few of his comic books. Among the issues happened to be Ewoks #2, and now I submit to you a review of this horrible comic book.

Ewoks in “Rites of Power”

For being a kid’s comic, the plot is surprisingly complex.
It’s princess Kneesaa’s birthday and Wicket and Teebo are on scout duty. They’re chilling out in a tree when some Zorbian Space Pirates make an appearance. They’re after the Ewok’s village which just so happens to have a Gemwood tree.

The Captain of the Space Pirates claims that an ounce of the Gemwood Tree’s wood is worth more than anything in the universe. Oh really? What about two ounces of the wood… or the whole tree for that matter?

At any rate, Teebo gets captured and the whole issue ends up being about Kneesaa’s coming of age and more importantly, proving that Women can be leaders as well. This is accomplished by the entire male Ewok tribe being captured which leaves Kneesaa to organize the Females in to a defensive militant unit.

Early on at Kneesaa’s birthday her father, chief Chirpa, declares that if anything should happen to him, his daughter will lead the people in his stead. This is met with stiff opposition from some some of the older Ewoks.

Ewoks argue about Kneesa as leader
Ewoks argue about Kneesaa as leader

Am I missing something here? Since when do Ewoks refer to themselves as Men and Women?

The Zorbian Space Pirates eventually make it to the Ewok Village, and things get creepy.

Zorbian space pirate
Captain Krag hitting on Kneesaa

Interspecies sexual harassment… gross!

Captain Krag is actually making innuendoes towards a female Ewok! I think he’s spent too much time up in space with his men. His thinking has become a little warped.

It’s really no wonder that Ewoks had a mere 14 issues produced in the span of two years. It was a comic target towards kids, but the writing most likely went over their heads. This just goes to prove that Ewoks are an abomination no matter where they show their disgustingly cute faces.

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